


something that felt like redemption

by janie_tangerine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Porn with Feelings, Spoilers, TRoS Spoilers, for the ending, i warned you, i'm just gonna leave it vague i'll add more tags when it's been a few weeks, like a lot of spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: “You know,” she says, finding her voice, overcoming how dry her throat feels, “happiness looks good on you. You should try it more often.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 63
Kudos: 493





	something that felt like redemption

**Author's Note:**

> ... uhm. Hi. This is not my fandom, this is not my sandbox but I've been shipping these two since tlj, I just saw tros and I thought it was an insult to the audience's intelligence and I decided that this is what they deserved instead of whatever the fuck was... that... thing, so. Have some porn I hope it's decent because I wrote this in like one hour but I had to get it out of my system. Cheers.
> 
> (The title is from Brian Fallon, I own nothing tho if I owned SW I surely would have thought up a better ending for that nonsense and yeah. That's it. I'll saunter back downwards to my usual shores now unless I get some more spite to elaborate but yeah. /o\\)

Rey has never seen him smile, she realizes.

Maybe he had been about to when she touched his hand for the first time.

_Maybe_. She couldn’t have said back then.

But now -

Now he _is_, and oh, his face about lights up with it, and it’s -

She’d have taken his hand if it had been Ben Solo’s, and now it _is_, and she had thought him handsome before, but now it makes him something _else_, something _beyond_ that, because his eyes are wet and he can’t seem to stop smiling and she can’t either and so she kisses him again, his hands pressed against her back but not too strongly, and she hadn’t thought -

Touching him _before_, in the hut, anywhere _else_, it had felt like they were pulled together but she couldn’t quite reach him even if she wanted to, she _wanted to_, but now she finally _can_ and she dares move an arm behind his shoulders, her other hand grasping at his hair, and both of them are filthy and wet and maybe it should matter, but it doesn’t.

It _doesn’t_ -

The earth trembles.

Maybe she should worry about _that_, but she can’t because his tongue is touching hers, tentatively, as if he’s trying it out, as if it’s the first time for him, too -

_It is_, she hears his voice in her mind, and she feels the Force flowing in between them, back and forth, the way it’s supposed to because _aren’t they two sides of the same coin_, and now that they’re pressed against each other, it just makes sense, it feels right, it feels right like nothing else ever has, and then she realizes that she was _dead_ for a while and she remembers nothing and he brought her back and -

She moves back, his eyes meeting hers again, and he looks _awed_, as if he can’t imagine that she’d want to do this, that she’s kissing him, as if she hadn't wanted to -

She moves the hand that’s not in his hair to his own, grasping his fingers, feeling tears sting her eyes.

Not that his own aren’t wet, but not in the way they were in that throne room, no, now it’s because he’s not miserable, but not just _that_, isn’t he, and she doesn’t know how to put it into words but she thinks she owes it to him, and -

“You know,” she says, finding her voice, overcoming how dry her throat feels, “happiness looks good on you. You should try it more often.”

“I thought I forgot how it felt,” he whispers, his smile falling a bit, and then she’s kissing him again and his skin is hot under her hands, and they should probably leave, but -

But -

But she _can’t_, not when his hands are holding her close and her blood feels like fire, and she doesn’t want to stop touching him, she _can’t_ stop touching him -

She reaches for his shirt, pulling it up, touching his skin underneath, and he groans in her mouth, hungrily, as if he wants more, and oh, she _wants_ to give him more, she wants it so much, and they still have time, she thinks they do, and so she nods into the kiss and pushes him back on the ground, moving back to straddle him, letting his shirt go but lowering her hands to his trousers, and then she realizes he’s trembling under her fingertips. Wait -

“Should I stop?” She asks, and she knows she will if he asks even if she _needs_ him, but he shakes his head, still looking up at her like he can’t believe this is happening -

Good.

She’s wanted to touch him for so long, and the way his hands tremble as they run over her shoulders and over her back sends her blood running even hotter, and she can feel that he’s hard the moment she puts her hand on his crotch - he groans, his back arching upwards, saying _please_ as he gasps for breath, as if no one ever touched him like _that_ -

_No one has_, she hears him in her mind again, and she doesn’t know why he’s not saying it with his voice but maybe he _can’t_ and it’s all right because they’re _one_ right now, Force flooding through the both of them, back and forth like a dance, like when they fought in Snoke’s room, side by side for once, and it felt -- it felt as _right_ as kissing him feels right now, their bodies moving in unison, and she has to -

She has to -

She pushes his trousers down before she sits up and does the same with hers -- they’re dirty but she doesn’t care, because she’s aching in between her legs and she needs him she _needs him sheneedshim_ -

She ground shakes.

He stops for a moment, obviously wondering if they should stop, but she shakes her head - she can feel that they have more time. Maybe just barely enough, _but_ -

Later.

_Later_, when they’re back at the base, she _will_ touch him everywhere and take her time. Actually -

Rey smiles just before she moves and lets him slide inside her, and she’s so wet she can barely feel it even if he’s so hard it has to hurt, and he’s trembling all over as his hands grasp for her shoulders and he moves his head against the hollow of her neck, and oh his shoulders are large but if she wraps both arms around him she can keep him close, and he moans a little every time she runs her hands along his back, and maybe - oh, maybe no one ever touched him like this, too, or not in a long time, but then she hears it -

_No,_ his voice in her head says, _no one ever did, not like this_, and Rey doesn’t know - she doesn’t know if she can do it, but if she could give him _life_ and he could do the same to her, maybe - _maybe_ -

She pictures it.

She pictures it very clearly.

She pictures everything she wants to do to him when they’re in a proper room on a proper bed. She wants to kiss him everywhere, and she wants to hold his face as she does when she can, and she wants to take him in her mouth and she wants to kiss his scars _everywhere_, and she wants to run her hands over his chest and shoulders and draw circles over his skin with her fingertips, and she wants to kiss his smile every time she sees it and she wants him to smile at her always, and she wants to smile at him in a way she wouldn’t for anyone else, and then she _does_ as she things, _then I will_, and for a moment his eyes widen as he goes still under her hands and then -

And then he drags her down and kisses her once, twice, almost desperate as she rolls her hips upwards and _downwards_ and then she finds a rhythm as he screams and screams and _screams_ but in pleasure, not in fear or rage, and he’s saying he’s close or she thinks he is because she’s kissed him again, and _again_, and then it’s her name he’s screaming as he comes inside her just as she clenches around him and feels her entire frame shake in pleasure, and oh, _oh_, it’s so good, it’s _so good_, beyond anything she’s felt, and for a moment she feels what he’s thinking and oh, _oh_, he can’t believe this is happening, she can _hear_ it, and he can’t believe she wants him back and she can’t -

She can’t -

She leans down, kisses his temple as she breathes in once, twice, slowing down, feeling how warm he is against her, and you wouldn’t think his skin would be so soft just looking at him but it is, same as his hair as she runs her fingers through it, and she could talk to him the way he’s talking to her, it would be so much easier, but -

But she thinks she has to _tell_ him.

“I said I’d take Ben Solo’s hand,” she says, reaching down, grasping his fingers. “It’s the only one I ever wished to take.”

He holds her hand back, his fingers threading through hers -

“I don’t have a galaxy to offer you now,” he says, but he doesn’t seem too sad about it.

“I want _you_,” she answers. “I never asked for a galaxy. And we should go home now.”

At that, he goes a bit rigid, not looking up at her anymore, and she reaches down, holding up his cheek towards her so he does have to meet her eyes.

“What’s the matter?”

“My mother’s dead,” he sighs. “Who else -- who am I to them? Someone they fought for years, at worst. And - nothing at worst.”

Oh.

_Oh_.

He’s not looking at her desperately as he had when he told her _that_ the first time. He’s looking _resigned_ -

She shakes her head.

“I can assure you that they think none of those things,” she says. “But even if they did… then so what? You’re not. _Not to me_,” she repeats, and at that he smiles at her again without being able to stop it and that _really_ is a good look on him.

It _is_, and she wants to see it for the rest of her life, with good peace of anyone who thought the two of them should be what their _names_ said and not what they actually _were_ for themselves.

And maybe they really should leave now so she can do to him _all_ those things she imagined just minutes ago, but she has to say it before she moves.

“Ben Solo, I love you,” she says, and that’s something she doesn’t think she quite told anyone, but he seems to beam with light from within when he hears it, even if most likely she’s just making it up -

He opens his mouth and then closes it and maybe he can’t _say_ it, but then she _hears him_ \--

_And I love you, Rey --_ he starts, and then she can hear the question as she slides off him and puts her trousers back on.

“I don’t know yet,” she says, “but I quite like being _just_ Rey for now, I think.” She stands as he pulls his own trousers up, too, looking exhausted in the best way --

Then she holds a hand out.

“Come on,” she says, “we’re going home.”

A moment later, his hand slips into hers, no glove to cover it, just skin on skin as before -

And he lets her pull him up.

End.


End file.
